155 Sundays to go.
- Kate Middleton’s phone was hacked 155 times by a News of the World reporter. http://time.com/99781/kate-middleton-phone-hack/ This is how far journalism has degenerated. Also the length the corporate media will go to report celebrity scandals instead of how they’re screwing the middle class.
- Here’s a video giving a taste of what it feels like going 155 mph in a Lambborghini. http://www.cbsnews.com/news/what-it-feels-like-155-in-a-lamborghini/ I didn’t watch it. Wasn’t interested. Going 80 makes me nervous.
Always takes me awhile to fully comprehend that the school year is over. I know it conceptually. Obviously I don’t have to devote time to preparing lessons for the next week but mentally I’m still there. I find myself pulling weeds in the garden thinking, “I wonder if I tried this with Geraldo if he’d catch on.” Then about 5 minutes later I realize a) I had no idea I just pulled up a couple of things that weren’t weeds because I was off in educational la-la land and b) I don’t even have a kid named Geraldo. Then I go off again into another mental time zone while I try to replant the flower I pulled up by mistake.
I also think about difficult challenges as if they are happening in the present moment and feel the physical energy angst that arises with negativity. I’m not in the present moment. I’m back in the “land of what’s not happening” as recovery guru, Paul Hedderman likes to say. I snap out of it, try to enjoy what is actually happening but soon I’ll be time traveling again.
The first week or two is very nice but then I start to get a little bored. I don’t usually tell people that because rather than having sympathy for me they get pissed off. And who wouldn’t? Who’s going to feel sorry for someone laying around the house bored while they’re working their ass off? They wish they could be so bored. I try to remember how I am in September when I’m trying to control a group of kids and get them to concentrate. I’m running around like a chicken with my head cut off and it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. I get pissed off thinking about how I was bored sitting around doing nothing. So where would I rather be? Back in September wanting to scream out loud or bored because I’m not having going-to-Disneyland fun. A good portion of my alcoholism stemmed from my perception of being “bored.” Being really, really drunk was more fun than real life.
This summer like every summer I have plans to fight the boredom and accomplish something. I’m a hack guitar player who isn’t very good because I don’t play enough. So why not set a goal to play for at least 30 minutes a day? So, I do but I then realize why I stop. It’s very frustrating because I want to be Eddie Van Halen but I’m having difficulty smoothly playing easy pieces. But I just have to fight through it and remember the goal is to play for 30 minutes whether I’m terrible or not. This year I thought I could also combine it with my awareness exercises. While playing be aware that I’m playing and notice the negative energy while I’m playing that causes me to stop. I stop because subconsciously I don’t like the negative energy. I will play and while playing notice the energy and play through it. Notice it is not me but is just energy. I’ll get better while consistently playing for 30 minutes a day. Playing the guitar will once again be fun.
I can watch baseball and practice awareness. I like baseball but start getting frustrated because I don’t like the way it is going. So what? What do I have to do with the game. Accept that the outcome is not going the way you want. Feel the energy and let it ride itself out. Appreciate that I’m home lying on a couch watching baseball instead of being captive and stressed out at work. Rest into the feelings and feel them completely. Enjoy that your home watching great players play a great sport.
I also want to start a daily meditating practice again. I meditated for years but stopped. I got into Advaita. The advaita masters say they’re basically in meditation all day long by being in awareness. I used that as an excuse because the reality is that meditation is difficult. Meditation done correctly is not just zoning out. It’s being aware totally without conceptual thought. But when I meditate, conceptual thought keeps creeping in. It creeps in so insidiously that I don’t even realize it. Just suddenly I become aware that I have been thinking about something that happened two weeks ago for the last 2 minutes. Then I get frustrated. Then I feel bad about it because I’ve wasted my time and I’ll never get any good at this and blah-blah-blah…again doing anything BUT being in non conceptual awareness. But like the guitar playing it takes practice. But don’t quit just because I’m frustrated. As they say in AA, “don’t quit 5 minutes before the miracle happens.”
200 Sundays to Go 